I’ve discovered something this past week as I have been enduring this never-ending cold. I assert that the value of cold medicine can be measured by how horrific it tastes. No really, hear me out.
I started out last week with a full bag of Halls Mentho-lyptus Tropical Fruit cough drops which have a fruity taste with that menthol aftertaste that helps you remember you are still eating a cough drop. But they still taste pretty decent in comparison to the other lozenges on the market and for that reason, I believe they are less effective. I was sitting in English Language yesterday morning with a horrible tickle in my throat that made it impossible to stop coughing. I had not 1 but 2 of these fruity cough drops in my mouth and I spent the entire class period trying to hold back my cough as I tried not to notice the dirty looks of my classmates. I finally had to leave class to take a water break for fear of losing one or both of my lungs. Those cough drops failed me in my time of need and are therefore dead to me.
After a miserable day of coughing and whispering the word “death” to myself over and over again, I was ready to invest in a different kind of medication. I went to Smith’s that night with my roommates to go grocery shopping and as I stood in the cold medicine aisle, I assessed the different varieties of cough drops. Which one sounds the most disgusting and has the most horrible flavor. Fruit Breezers can hardly be classified as cough drops; I’m still waiting for them to finally own up and begin to sell them next to the lifesavers in the candy aisle. Finally, I found the Halls Mentho-lyptus cough drops. No flavor. No measly attempt to make cough drops delicious. They are so gross. I love them!
The same is true of liquid cold medicine. After one too many sleepless nights spent coughing into my pillow and stressing over different conjugations of verbs in French, I broke down and got some Day and Night cold medicine. The Night medicine is a strange metallic green that reminds me of nuclear waste and tastes like death. I hate the taste; I dance around my room making overdramatic faces and promising my roommate that I will surely die from it and then I fall asleep peacefully 3 minutes later. There is a connection here, my friends! Nasty medicine actually cures your cold while tasteless or, even worse, delicious medicine brings nothing but pessimism and crushed dreams.