I hate Coca Cola.
No, I am not a Pepsi fan with a vendetta against Coke (I still don’t understand that battle; they’re both gross). Why, might you ask, do I hate it so? One word.
Disgusting, overflowing, unrelenting, and abounding foam.
When I work on the register at my job, part of my job is to fill drinks for customers when they pay for their order. Dion’s gets pretty busy during our rushes and as a cashier, I have become skilled at helping customers order quickly and efficiently. Filling fountain drinks usually doesn’t take that long unless they order the dreaded drink. Yep, Coke.
Whenever I go to fill a cup with Coke, I usually leave it for a little bit while the foam dies down. I’ll go run the ticket, grab a drink, run to the restroom, clean out my car, call my best friend, and the foam STILL won’t have depleted more than an inch. Ok, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration; it still takes a long time. When it finally sinks down, there’s only 2/3 of the cup filled with the soda. Frustration.
Filling a cup with Coke is better during a rush, even if it does waste a lot of time, because at least everyone is busy doing something and not staring at you. Everything becomes a lot more awkward when it’s just you and the customer, standing there and waiting for the Coke to fizz down. At this point in the transaction, I’ve usually used up all of my small talking points (“It looks hot out there!” “Having a good day?” “Pastrami-good choice!”) and instead, I end up making an uncomfortable comment like, “There sure is a lot of fizz in there! So much fizz. A lot. Whole bunch.”
The foam of a fountain drink shouldn’t make that much of a difference to me, but if you know me, I like to do things quickly. I talk quickly (so people tell me), type quickly, and I sometimes drive quickly. I have a weird of phobia of telling stories too slowly and I try to overcome that by talking faster than most people can comprehend. That’ll fix it. All in all, Coke really kills my buzz.
It’s not just Coke that drives me crazy. Root Beer and Cherry Coke (a close cousin to the fiendish Coca Cola) are both guilty of excess foam and Dr. Pepper keeps squirting erratically and spilling when I least expect it. Punk. This is why I prefer water over carbonation.
I just looked up who invented carbonation: Joseph Priestly from England. The jerk.